


nothing will be forever gone.

by Anonymous



Series: running on empty [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/F, Implied/Referenced Character Death, POV Female Character, POV Second Person, POV Velanna, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-11
Updated: 2015-01-11
Packaged: 2018-03-07 00:28:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3154034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p></p><blockquote>
  <p>'Your eyes are the most beautiful green I have ever seen', the cheerful dwarf says. 'They're also the <em>first</em> green eyes I have ever seen, but I'm sure they're also the most beautiful!'</p>
</blockquote>In which Velanna deals surprisingly well with Sigrun being her soulmate, all things considered.
            </blockquote>





	nothing will be forever gone.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first (published) AO3 fic, second ever published fic. I know there's a lot I need to improve, but there's _no_ fanfiction for this ship and I had to try, at least.
> 
> The AU idea was 'the au where you only see colour once you meet your soulmate, and it goes away when they die'. I took some liberties with the concept of soulmates thanks to [acesam](http://archiveofourown.org/users/acesam/pseuds/acesam) for helping out with that.
> 
> Title is from Epica's _Chasing The Dragon_.

You remember being told about soulmates, once. (When you were a small child, sitting on your father’s knees while your mother holds your sister, so small and fragile – she grew up, surely, but you never stopped thinking of her as the small sister you’re supposed to protect.) Your father never found his soulmate, and your mother found hers late in life; a small elvhen woman from the city she visited whenever she could.

It is common that people never find their soulmate, or may only do so at late age. Others have multiple soulmates, at once or after each other; finding your soulmate doesn’t even mean that you will get along with them – there are tales of soulmates despising each other, just as many as them finding true love. Sometimes, they are siblings, sometimes of different races. Sometimes, soulmates meet each other but decide not to stay in contact, not knowing what happens to them until they draw their last breath.

Having a soulmate mostly just meant that you found someone you shared a strong connection with; your parents weren’t each other’s soulmates, but they were each other’s true love. Your mother’s soulmate shared her passion for ancient tales of the days before Arlathan, her small home filled with stolen scrolls, parchment scribbled full of notes, both of them clinging to scraps and tales passed down for generations, a little more lost every time.

If you find your soulmate, you’re sure you will know. There is no rush. Until then, you think, you’re content listening to your mother describe the colour of the aravels, your father’s laugh and your sister’s singing.

* * *

The first colour you ever see is green, and you decide it's also your favourite.

(The last colour you ever see is - you're not sure, actually. It may have been brown or black, maybe grey, perhaps even the silver glint of metal as you draw your last breath; your vision has been changing, shifting, since you've left the Surface for the last time many days ago.)

But the first colour, you remember, and it's green. You even know the name of the colour - it comes as naturally as seeing it in the first place. It is what the forest looks like, the hard parts of the plants, the sparks of your magic clinging to the seams of your robe and - the colour of your own eyes?

'Your eyes are the most beautiful green I have ever seen', the cheerful dwarf says. 'They're also the  _first_  green eyes I have ever seen, but I'm sure they're also the most beautiful!'

You stare at her for a moment  (blue eyes, dark hair,  _very_  nice smile, scrapes on her knuckles, dirt on her face, rather heavy looking armour), before saying the first thing that comes to mind, which is a rather rude 'and who are  _you_ , exactly?' You immediately regret your choice of words, at least  _trying_  to be friendly for once, just for the person who is your soulmate, seems worth an attempt.

But the dwarf doesn't seem to mind. 'Oh, sorry! I'm Sigrun, pleased to meet you.', she proclaims, still smiling cheerfully up at you. (And isn't it weird, someone looking up at you with nothing but honesty on their face when it's not your sister?) It's disturbing, at least, to encounter someone who seems to have such a positive outlook on life.  
Though you prefer her over the shemlen with the bow on principle.

Nobody says anything for a while. It feels like ages, like you're frozen on the spot by a spell gone awry, but you know it's only seconds, a minute at most. 'Velanna', you manage to squeeze out, 'I'm Velanna. Nice to meet you, too.' ( _I like your eyes as well_ , you want to say,  _but your smile would be blinding even if the world still was grey._ But you don't say anything.)

The other mage, Anders - whose hair is darker than you had guessed, not that such certain knowledge matters - opens his mouth as if to say something, and you vow to yourself that if it's any comment relating to your apparent soulmate being an distressingly happy dwarf woman, you will hide toads in all of his smallclothes.

'Sooo,' he grins - you mentally consider where to find a sufficient amount of toads needed - 'you  _like_  the colour of her eyes? I didn't think that anyone would actually-'

Sigrun kicks him in the shin, still a smile on her face.

You think you'll like her.

* * *

Coming to terms with the fact that your soulmate is a dwarf is easier than expected, all things considered. Coming to terms with the fact that you genuinely  _care_  for her, however, is not. 

Since you were little, you never considered what it would actually be like, having a soulmate, someone who makes you see all the colours in the world. You could not imagine any of it, not the colours, not having this connection - any connection - to another person. When you allowed yourself to think about it, you always,  _always_ thought that you would part ways after meeting, that you would hate each other passionately like in the tales. You are not the kind of person people take a liking to, and now that someone has, you're at a loss.

But it's easy with Sigrun. It's  _so easy_.

She's kind and happy, she takes so much joy from places in the world you would never have considered to even glance at (sniffing dirt, by the Dread Wolf!). She actually makes you smile; not just by grand gestures (you appreciate those, too, thoughtful gifts and words you never thought you would receive by anyone, never knew you wanted to,  _this greenstone is almost as stunning as your eyes, it reminded me of you_ ), but simply by smiling at you at breakfast.

Sometimes you catch yourself wanting to tell Seranni everything,  _I found someone, I found someone who likes me_ , but then you remember that she's somewhere under the earth, working with the Architect. You've only seen her twice since, short meetings and never alone. You barely know the colour of her eyes, her hair. Once, you will think you see her - you'll want to go to her, already breaking away from the group to enter the shadows, until you think of Sigrun and return to the Surface, instead. ( _I think I saw Seranni_ , you say.  _Why didn't you follow her?_ , and you smile, brush your hand against hers,  _I would never go without you._ )

She is better with displaying her affection, more open; you wonder how she stayed that way, sometimes, knowing her the life she had, and why you can't be the same. Once, she tells you that she's always been afraid she wouldn't recognise a soulmate when she met them, wasn't even sure she'd have one on account of being dead. 'You found me, didn't you?', is all you can think of, brushing strand of hair behind her ear. 'The world could have stayed grey and I wouldn't have missed a thing as long as you're in it.'

It's a cliché thing to say - nevertheless, Sigrun does not mind, wrapping her arms around you and holding on, and you squeeze back, thankful, truly happy for the first time in years.

* * *

Over the years, it has become a comfort, the certainty that Sigrun is still alive and well, even when she is countries away. You do not want to think about what it would be like, her on business and you losing all colours over dinner, the world washing out and just  _knowing_ , knowing that she-

No.

She will not die, not like this. You joined the Wardens together (it has been more than two decades, now, so very long ago) and you will leave them together as well, sooner rather than later. The nightmares are getting worse lately, she wakes you up at night more often than not - if you're not awake already, haunted by the same images. In the darkness, you curl into each other's empty spaces to slowly breathe together, wordlessly,  _you're here, you're here, you're real._

(You do not remember the last colour you see, because you never realise you've stopped seeing them already; but Sigrun remembers the last colour, the blue and silver of your uniform, and, when she takes her last breath deep beneath the earth, the remarkable green of your eyes.)

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to [Silviya](http://silviya7.tumblr.com/) and [Sam](http://leliaana.tumblr.com/), who are the only ones who sit in this hellhole of a ship with me, and [Carol](http://aroaceclints.tumblr.com/), who is not even in this fandom, but was very patient, encouraging and promised to read this mess.
> 
> You are all wonderful and I love you very much (no romo).
> 
> I can be found on [tumblr](http://talkingdarkspawn.tumblr.com/) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/librarianknight), where I mostly get upset about darkspawn and Dragon Age ladies.


End file.
